


And So I Have to Say Before I Go

by Tortellini



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Bitterness, Canon Gay Character, F/M, First Love, Fluff, Gay Male Character, Gen, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Out of Character, Period-Typical Homophobia, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scheming, Season Finale, Season/Series 01, Shell Shock, Soldiers, Undiagnosed Mental Health Issues, War, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-08-20 23:27:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20236129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tortellini/pseuds/Tortellini
Summary: William Mason says goodbye to the downstairs staff, especially one kitchen maid; and later Thomas Barrow reflects.Oneshot





	And So I Have to Say Before I Go

William Mason was leaving for the war...finally. He had wanted to ever since it had started! But his father, who he loved of course, had forbidden him. That was because he was his only son and heir to their farm. But it was also because his father didn't want him to get hurt. They were the last family the two of them had left. William understood this. But it still irritated him that he'd been kept from the battlefield for so long. 

But at last he was going!

Well, soon, at last. Right now he was in the Servants' Hall, waiting to say goodbye to everyone. 

And curiously enough he'd like to talk to Thomas--Corporal Barrow now. William still remembered him as the pompous mouth footman he'd been second to. They hadn't gotten on, at all; in fact before Thomas had left for the war they'd gotten into a fist fight. It was understandable though. He'd insulted a miscarried baby and William's own mother! 

But he wanted to ask Thomas something. About what the war had been like. The excitement, the danger, the battlefields, the friends he'd made along the way--he really wanted to know. But, as luck would have it, Thomas Barrow wasn't around right now. 

"William! Where is that boy?" Mrs. Patmore the cook said impatiently. She appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, and as he beamed down at her, her face softened. "Well...look at y' now," she said. "All smart in your uniform." She tried to keep the emotion out of her voice. 

"Hm. Yes." Mr. Carson said at her shoulder. His bushy eyebrows furrowed slightly, which gave him his usual gruff look. "Well. Make the house proud, William."

William's grin stretched from ear-to-ear. "I'll make sure to do so, Mr. Carson."

"Good, good." And then he was sure he thought he heard him say something like, "...better than Thomas..."

"Oh Mr. Carson," Mrs. Hughes murmured, rolling her eyes. William thought the Housekeeper was one of the few people in the house who didn't actually hate Thomas. She turned to William though, with her kind eyes and soft smile. "Look at you, lad. Your mam would be so proud..." His heart squeezed but he nodded all the same. 

"William--Private Mason--better be going," Mrs. Patmore spoke up, gazing fondly at him. She thought of him like a son, sort of. "Mr. Crawley won't like to be kept waiting now."

It was true. But the name was on the tip of his tongue when she appeared. 

Daisy Robinson. To other people maybe she wasn't anything special; mousy, shy, a kitchen maid. But to William she was sweet and brave and kind and...beautiful. And he was in love with her. She stood in the doorway next to Mrs. Patmore, with her large eyes and her hands in her apron pockets.The others parted as William walked up to her. 

"Goodbye, William," she whispered. 

"I'll see you when I get back." William promised. 

He raised her chin so she'd look at him, and then he kissed her. She kissed him back, shy and true, and she was the one who pulled away too. But she smiled at him. Though it looked sad. He squeezed her hands. 

"William," Mrs. Hughes prompted gently. He turned to see the women smiling at him, and the Butler looked uncharacteristically pleased. 

"Time to go, lad," Mrs. Patmore said. 

He nodded and started to walk away up the stairs. William really did want to go off and fight for his country. But he was still going to miss the people he thought of and loved like another family. 

"William." he paused and looked at Mrs. Hughes. "You don't need t' make us proud on the battlefield. You've already made us proud here."

"Mrs. Hughes," Mr. Carson looked a little flustered. "I did not mean William had not--"

William smiled though. "I know, Mr. Carson. And thank you, Mrs. Hughes. I hope I can make you proud here too."

"You will." Carson said firmly. The others nodded.

"Thank you..." William really didn't want to cry. But he could feel the emotion welling up in his throat just the same. "Goodbye, everyone."

"Be safe, William!" Daisy called. 

"I will. For you." he said, and then he turned to continue up the stairs--and nearly ran into someone. Luckily it wasn't one of the members of the Family. 

Sarah O'Brien looked at him coolly. William swallowed. He didn't particularly like her to be honest. The only person he thought who did actually like her was Thomas Barrow. The others behind him glanced at each other uneasily. She was rather harsh, to say the least. 

"Miss O'Brien," William said bravely, and he stuck out his hand. 

She rose an eyebrow at him in disgust but finally, finally she let him give her own thin hand a hearty shake. 

"If you see Thomas," he continued. "Tell him...I'm sorry. For our quarrels, and--"

"_You _don't need to apologize--!" Mrs. Patmore said shrilly. 

"--and that I...that I..."

"That you forgive him." Miss O'Brien filled in. 

"Yes." He paused. "It's silly, he..probably doesn't want my acceptance or anything, right?" She didn't deny it of course. "But I don't want to go off to war angry."

"I'll relay the message." she said flatly. And then to his surprise: "Good luck, lad."

And then she walked past him, down the rest of the stairs, without another word. William took a deep breath--he knew what he had to do. He walked back up the stairs. 

* * *

Corporal--now Sergeant--Thomas Barrow walked into Servants' Hall and took his seat next to Sarah O'Brien. He lit a cigarette, took a puff. Some days had passed by now. 

"William gone?" he finally drawled. His companion nodded, focused on finishing her sewing. He snorted at that. "Good riddance, if y' ask me."

She bit her thread to cut it, then with nimble fingers she made a tiny sturdy knot. After this, she looked up and met his eyes. "Gave me a message to give you, Thomas."

"Oh? And what was that?" he smirked. "'Fuck off, I'm going to sacrifice myself for king and country'?"

She frowned slightly at his bitterness. Though she couldn't be surprised. And at that moment, Mr. Carson chose to walk in and hear their conversation. 

"Corporal Barrow!" 

"It's Sergeant Barrow now, Mr. Carson," Thomas muttered around his cigarette. 

"Well whoever you are--"

Thomas caught Miss O'Brien's eye and his smirk widened. She raised an eyebrow back at him. 

"--we'll have none of that language here!"

"Well..." Thomas said. "I don't work here anymore."

"Just--pay heed, Thomas!" Grumbling, the Butler disappeared. 

Thomas chuckled. Annoying Mr. Carson was one of his favorite pastimes now that he was home again. "So, the message? Was I right?"

"William said he was sorry for your past quarrel..." she began. He tensed. "And that he forgives you."

Thomas was silent the Lady's Maid glanced at him then. "Well?"

Thomas thought. He didn't like a lot of people, that's for sure--Miss O'Brien was one of the very few exceptions. To be fair, people tended to think he was a bitter loud-mouthed queer. And he hated most people too, thinking them daft and pompous and judgmental. William however was not an exception No one else in the house was, except maybe Mrs. Hughes sometimes, or young Lady Sybil. 

He and William didn't get on. He wasn't going to say that they did. To begin with William liked Daisy and Thomas knew she fancied _him _so he led her on. Just because he could.

If he was to say he wasn't proud of it he'd be lying. He wasn't a nice guy. He was proud of his schemes--at the time. The war, the horrors of it, had made him older, more tired...but not necessarily nicer. 

Then there was William himself. There was the time William had fought him. Over something he said about 'er Ladyship's stillborn baby and William's dead mother...when you put it like that it sounded understandable.

But Thomas' point was this: the boy was too kind. Too loyal. Too selfless. 

The war would destroy him. And Sergeant Barrow felt almost bad. 

"...Thomas? Well?" Miss O'Brien said again. 

He jerked a bit out of his thoughts. "What?"

"Just told y' somethin', lad. What've y' got t' say about that?"

He paused his lips and didn't answer out loud. But he did say silently: 

When--if--he comes back...I'll say sorry too. 


End file.
